|
The first 36 months of a human’s life are most critical for developing a
base of attachment from which a unique identity is developed. For this secure
base to develop, an infant’s needs must be met (over and over) each day on a
timely, appropriate, and consistent manner. Through this a child learns
cause-and-effect (I have a need, let someone know it, and it is resolved),
resulting in a sense of relief, release, and gratification, reciprocal
connection with others, and trust. When their needs are consistently NOT met
(neglect, abuse), he/she feels a deep sense of terror, anger, and shame. They
feel as though they might die. As a result of this cycle continuing day after
day, while the stress hormone cortisol runs through their veins, they learn
NOT to trust, that they must rely on themselves, developing a false sense of
power and control, and a bit of narcissism. This is why your child might be
telling you how to drive, or make a sandwich…at 3 years old, or 10. Why they
might be stealing things they could’ve had permission for. Why they feel a
need to do a “payback” when they didn’t get their way. Despite how long this
child has been in your loving and committed home, if they haven’t had the
appropriate treatment for Reactive Attachment Disorder, when they are trying
to get their way, or haven’t gotten their way – they regress….Cortisol
running through their veins, feeling as if no one cares, no one understands
what they need, no one loves them (shame), there is no one they are able to
trust, they are on their own to get their needs met – or they may die. By now
this may be over a new pair of sneakers, or a second helping of ice cream. We
understand how a child with RAD thinks and feels. We understand that as
adoptive parents of a child with RAD your dreams of adoption have been
shattered, you’re likely feeling beat-up by unknowing professionals/system,
and you’re feeling isolated and misunderstood by relatives and friends who
don’t ever see it. We get that at AATC of Iowa, and we can help.
This is how we are able to help. For a list of symptoms, scroll
down.
• Specialize in Reactive Attachment Disorder – we don’t just understand what
it is, we know how to heal it!
• Clinician has well over 400 hours of specialized training in Attachment
Treatment.
• Private Domestic, and International Adoption Home studies and post
placement services.
• Unique Therapeutic Parenting Program that provides 70% relief of Parent’s
own symptoms in living with a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder within
4 months of treatment initiation.
• Highly skilled at Differential Diagnosis; Autism, Nonverbal Learning
Disorder, Learning Disabilities, Aspergers, AD/HD, Anxiety, Depression, Child
Onset Bipolar, Sensory Integration Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder,
Conduct Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
• Provide Outpatient Family Attachment, Outpatient Individual and Marital, 1
or 2 week Family Intensives (to jump-start Attachment treatment), Social
Skills Training Groups for children, Adoptive Parent Support Group, Online
Private Support Group for Adoptive Parents, One of a kind Therapeutic
Parenting Training.
• Assessments for Attachment difficulties; for placement recommendations,
sibling placement recommendations, and treatment recommendations.
• • EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for resolution of
trauma.
• We are conducting our own research on our own Treatment Protocol efficacy,
and Denise has a book forthcoming for parents of children with RAD.
At AATC of Iowa we do NOT use any form of coercive therapies!
We do not entice anger intentionally, hold children to entice emotion
(parents are trained to contain the child safely for their and/or the
parents’ safety if the child becomes aggressive), or roll
children up in carpet! All sessions are recorded for this very purpose -
everyone’s safety. We respect the basic human dignity of these hurt and
untrusting children. We utilize empathy AND accountability, we hold the bar
of expectations high AND utilize humor. Our practice is to have the child
leave each session feeling strong over their own life and self, practicing
trust (this often means they might be at our clinic for a couple of hours)!
“Try again!” with an empathetic tone is heard frequently at AATC.
Symptoms
Acts overly charming to get their way: often these children
are stellar students and the teacher’s best "helper"...and at home,
where there is an expectation of emotional reciprocity/being part of a
family, their behavior couldn’t be more opposite. They are excellent actors
at "playing dumb" and soliciting the help of instructors when they
don’t need it.
Poor eye contact, unless they’re lying.
Indiscriminate affection towards strangers; getting needs
met "sideways" - safer than the real thing - true, recipricol love.
Affectionate to parents only on their own terms (usually to butter them up)
and/or rejects affection from parents (in infants/small toddlers they are
stiff, rigid, squirm to get out of hug).
Can argue for long periods of time; truly believe they are
smarter and stronger than any adult.
Tremendous need to control people and situations (especially
parents, smaller children, animals).
Acts incredibly innocent, even when caught in the act.
Daredevil, risk-taking behaviors.
Deliberately breaks things, and doesn’t appear to miss them.
Poor impulse control - often mistaken for ADHD...is really
anxiety over losing sense of control.
Steals: Feel that they can trust no one to meet their needs,
no matter how long a placement, so they take it.
Demands things instead of asking for them; sense of control,
and assuring their needs are met.
Doesn’t appear to learn from mistakes (lack of cause-and-effect)
thinking; which I believe is really a reflection of their perception
of being stronger and smarter than anyone (authorities): as one child put it,
“I know when (foster mom) tell me to make good choices when I leave, and I go
do the opposite, I’m probably going to get caught, and yet when I come home and
I’ve been caught, I’m still shocked”.
Makes false allegations of abuse/maltreatment; I had a child
in foster care who had a foster mom who had them dressed in designer
clothing. To get sympathy she told her boyfriend's parents she wasn’t
provided the basics, like underwear. She was wearing Tommy Hilfiger
underwear! On a more serious note, they are infamous for alleging abuse as a
"payback" for not getting their way (which may be as significant as
not getting a second helping of ice cream).
High tolerance for pain and/or refuses to let anyone help or comfort
them when hurt - would be a sign of vulnerability & helplessness, which
is intolerable to a child with RAD.
Sneaks things when would’ve been given permission had they
asked (assuring needs met).
Lies - crazy made up stories, to get out of trouble, to get
others in trouble.
Food issues: hoards, sneaks gorges, more commonly in my
experience, eats very slowly.
Very poor Social Skills; often plays with younger children
(to control), or has volatile relationships (love/hate).
Temper Tantrums that can last up to 2 hours. These children
are so emotionally developmentally delayed; it takes nothing more than a
toddler takes to be completely dysregulated; overly tired, overly stimulated
(especially from overseas orphanages), illness, hunger, etc. Their tantrums
look like a 2-year-olds tantrum, even when they may be 10 years old. It is SO
important the child not be shamed by this; they are unable to self-regulate –
and the truth is you don’t want them to figure this out on their own
(time-outs, isolated in their room)! This is how RAD developed in the first
place – they had no one safe to help them co-regulate their emotions, provide
a sense of relief, release and gratification that they were truly going to be
okay.
Non-stop chattering or asking questions they know the
answers to: My favorite is "Why is he weed-whacking?” that emerged in a
series of questions as they were driving. This is power/control, attempting
to engage the parents.
Some have preoccupation with fire and gore; wars, abusive to
small animals and children, etc.
Other important clinical information
Miscues: Since feeling vulnerable due to having a need is
too difficult for these children to manage, they will miscue to send you a
message that they don’t need you anyway, don’t need that privilege or item.
We teach parents how to read these more accurately so that the child’s needs
can be met when it is too hard for them to ask for it.
Impact of Neglect and/or Abuse on the Brain and the Body: When
an infant is born their brain is not fully developed. Extreme neglect and
abuse have many differing degrees of impact on the development of the brain,
and the body. We will help you understand why your child does, or doesn’t do
things they might be expected to do at their age. Differential Diagnosis is
an important element of our treatment – knowing when to refer for healing
specialties beyond the scope of our clinic (Sensory Integration, Physical
Therapy/Occupational Therapy, Psychiatric Medication, etc.).
LINKS
www.attach.org (National) Association for
Treatment and Training of Attachment in Children. Yearly conference for
parents and professionals, national and state resources – including
Registered Clinicians and Organizations, Information.
www.radzebra.org Attachment Disorder
Network. National Network of adoptive Parents for support, resources,
information. Developed by 3 incredible women who’ve adopted, and devoted
their lives to helping other adoptive parents.
www.loveandlogic.com
Love and Logic Parenting; Resources, books, information.
|
